To Teach Or Not To Teach.

So the same friend that is from the previous post sent me an email about a position teaching chess to middle school kids that was posted on Craigslist. I will refer to him from now on as "Dude" as to not put his business on the web. Dude has the best of intentions despite the fact that he is recently unemployed. I just quit one job so another sounds silly at first but upon further investigation I find it pays thirty dollars an hour but only for three hours a week. That's a fine wage for a thirty year old man to pursue his hobby. I say what the hell and set up an informal interview. We settle into Starbucks on one of the first days of the establishing cold. Chilly I should say but for those of you in the south its down right cold. He drops a board on the table and we talk casually over a nicely paced game that I tank on purpose. He asks questions, I ask questions and the universe is in harmony. "Do you mind wearing a sailor hat?" he asks me. What in the hell kind of question is that? Grown men don't wear sailor hats unless they live in San Fransisco or are actually in the Navy. Which begs the question, but I didn't ask. Admittedly kids are as foreign to me as reverse bulimia, but I have no intention of ruining a perfectly good hobby by humiliation. "Yes it does bother me." I say concerned. Then I proceed to schedule a day to start training in the hopes that the sailor hat thing will magically disappear. It didn't. I show up at an intermediate school (Is that what they are calling middle schools these days? Is middle school now somehow offensive?) and much to my dismay the teacher is in full mock sailor uniform. At that moment of time realization struck me that it was never going to happen. Who can pass up an opportunity to watch a grown man in a sailor outfit try to teach bratty rich kids chess immediately after the school day is over? I cant. So I hung around and watched as a couple kids understood what was going on and the others.... well here's a list of what you can expect if you ever decide to pursue such a thing:

Peacefully setting up the board only to yank the roll up out excitedly like Copperfield before the ruffies set in.

Reaching behind another player to snatch their king for an excuse to run in circles wildly.

Broken Queens.

Pawns will enter nasal cavities. I didn't think it was possible either.

One kid going ballistic because hes obviously starved for attention in his home life.

Someone will cry.

Now I know something about kids. Until I have my own they are obnoxious little monsters.