Borderline Retarded

I started feeling about as retarded as Amy Whinehouse when it comes to chess. If you dont think shes got issues watch the video without sound and tell me she didnt recently climb out from the depths of a special needs class. After fourteen straight losses discouragement is an understatement. And it seems like Im not the only one. A couple people have posted on the levels of rising apathy and how its all part of the improvement cycle. This was the give up type of apathy though. Some of the losses were so horrendous I felt like I had just started learning the game and everything that the opponent was doing was a giant cosmic mystery. Blitz, untimed, didnt matter. Book openings played by memory were getting smoked. Sooo....

I go to the chess club tonight after climbing a nearby mountain (pictures coming soon)and get my ass handed to me once again. I start playing this guy who seems pretty cool. He sets up for a blitz game of 5 mins and I take a deep sigh. Then I lose. Then I lose again. I start thinking about whats going on so I make some conversation. Maybe digging in to some psychological well will reveal something thats clearly missing. It does. Ive been playing against masters. Not fake ones. Masters rated over 2200, including the highest rated player in Arizona. I felt somewhat justified. In a weird sort of way, like when you eat a frozen pizza and spend two hours on the toilet. Then when your wiping your chafed butt you remember your lactose intolerant. It doesnt make things better but you see the light and its the annoying environmentally friendly kind.